


Bergamot

by acidilicious



Category: A.B.C.-Z
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-17 23:00:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11278548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acidilicious/pseuds/acidilicious
Summary: inspired by Hasshi's 6/18 J-web entry.





	Bergamot

5:30AM, Tokyo. 

The sky was foggy, and the sun, rising.

The air was hot and heavy, and the train platform, empty.

For most people, at this hour, their day was beginning. But for the man standing here, it was ending.

Hashimoto was a pleasant young man, but familiar with bouts of loneliness. That's what the life of an idol entails, after all: as shining as their entertainer life might seem, it's no stranger to darkness. It's not that he wasn't happy with it, in fact he loved singing his heart out in front of thousands and staring at an ocean of smiles making up the crowds at arenas, but he felt...lonely.

Was he not understood enough? There weren't many idols like him, and as much as his family and friends supported him, they couldn't understand. They never lived the same life. Sometimes, your closest relatives could feel like the most distant strangers.

Hashimoto was a busy idol, yet couldn't help but feel empty sometimes. With album promotion schedules, hobbies, occasional errands to fulfill and tour rehearsal with his groupmates, he was distracted for most of the day. But a liminal space like the deserted station he was standing at only left him hollow and uncomfortable.

The slump usually left him after a while every time it passed by, but this time, it lingered. Not even the upbeat songs he listened to on his music player cured the numbness. It's not like he could reach out to anyone around, for the station was lifeless except for him.

He reflected on his career, still distracted. A train passed in front of him, packed with people, but he didn't notice. Minutes passed.

He thought about his relationships, lost in thought. Another train passed, filled with traces of human life he craved for, but still did not notice.

Hashimoto was about to miss a third train, completely spacing out, but a man reached out to him, patting his back hard enough to bring him back to Earth. Some people would feel brought to Mars, said man looking almost alien with his lightning blond hair, but his presence comfortably grounded Hashimoto.

“Hasshi, what are you still doing here at this hour? Rehearsal ended forever ago! I passed by the conbini to grab something to eat so I'll be home late, but I saw you standing there, completely blank, letting trains pass in front of you...Is there anything wrong?”

It was Tsukada. Hashimoto was happy to see someone he knew, and a groupmate, too. The kind of person who could understand him, who knew more than him, even. Tsukada was his senior, after all. In spite of that, Hashimoto couldn't help but feel a little anxious at what the blond just asked. He wasn't very good at talking about his feelings, and didn't want anyone else to worry about him. Especially not when they've got their own lives to live, and their own struggles to deal with. He only saw himself as secondary.

“I'm fine, I'm fine, I guess I'm distracted, and I'm tired too. I'll be okay once I get home,” he softly muttered.

Tsukada eyed him suspiciously.

“I can sense a lie when it's being told, Hasshi. You're behaving weirdly – I mean, you often do, but not like that!”

As lighthearted and fun as Tsukada was on most days, the man could be serious at the right times. That's how he showed that he cared. And he did care about Hashimoto. Was it because he was A.B.C-Z's baby? Their young ace? Hashimoto wasn't sure. Tsukada was a lot of handle most times, but Hashimoto felt safe around his overpowering presence. For every rehearsal injury, every doubt about a stage play or performance, Tsukada's brand of optimism always shined through and reassured Hashimoto when he needed it.

But the boy wasn't sure if he could be reassured about things that went beyond work. Things so powerful, that they consumed him almost whole on darker days. At least, with Tsukada around, he felt a little less lonely.

Tsukada continued talking, since Hashimoto decided to not say anything about his current state.

“It's 6AM now and that's not the ideal time for onigiri, but do you want one? I bought two for myself earlier, but you look like you need a little pick-me-up, so here, you can have it,” he said as he handed the snack to the young man a few years his junior.

“Thanks, Tsuka.”

The two proceeded to eat without saying anything, the platform still empty save for them. Hashimoto had turned off his music player ever since Tsukada approached him, and this time, the platform's silence didn't seem so bad.

Five minutes later, another train was passing, and Hashimoto felt ready to leave. As a wagon stopped in front of him and he was ready to walk in, Tsukada put his hand on Hashimoto's shoulder with a gentle touch that felt uncharacteristic of him.

“Do you want to drop by my house for the morning, or something? I think you need a little company,” Tsukada asked.

“But Tsuka, don't you have a strict daily schedule? I don't want to mess it up or anything, it would be burdensome.”

Tsukada noticed a glint of distress in Hashimoto's eyes that resonated stronger than his words. 

“It's not a problem at all! You're a partner and a friend, and I don't want anyone I like to feel bad, especially not someone close to me like you.”

Hashimoto sensed strong empathy in Tsukada's words, stronger than the necessary encouragement you need to show to a fellow groupmate in times of professional trouble. His senior was ready to sacrifice his usual rigid discipline for a simple heart-to-heart. Maybe Tsukada was someone he could trust on a deeper, intimate level. Maybe he could finally open up.

“Alright then, I guess we can both hop in?” Hashimoto asked.

Tsukada grabbed Hashimoto's hand, the young man feeling his heart skip a beat at the sudden contact. He felt a kind of comforting human warmth he hadn't experienced in a long time.

“W-What was that for,” he nervously asked.

“My train's on another line, didn't you know? Else we would've always taken it together. Come on, we should go before we miss yet another one!”

The two men took off, feet shuffling at a quick pace, with Tsukada leading the way in front of him. They still tightly held the other's hand. As they walked through the station, Hashimoto felt himself bathing in light, for two golden suns were shining for him: one was in the morning sky, the other was the man leading him to a place where he'd feel loved and understood.

**Author's Note:**

> bergamot, more specifically its essential oil, is said to have an uplifting, mood-boosting scent. often used as aromatherapy against anxiety and depression.


End file.
